Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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