Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize