So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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