How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
