i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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