Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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