I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My nipple is on Facebook.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
