Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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