their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
