Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
