i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
