There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
