it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize