Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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