I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
