So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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