is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
