He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
