Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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