True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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