my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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