I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
