I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
