I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
