maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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