can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
