it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
