I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
