Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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