Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
