She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
