I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
