What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
