As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
