i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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