New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize