farters have to be the big spoon...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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