So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
