I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
