Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
