Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
