Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
