I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
