fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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