Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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