so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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