i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
