4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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