; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
