so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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