how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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