i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
