Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
