Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
