I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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