I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
