marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's never too late to be topless.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
