The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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