I'm gonna have a badass scar
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
