Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
