I just saw a hot homeless man
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and she was petting her beer can
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
