Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
