Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
