You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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