its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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