You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
