sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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