remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
