Tell her she can't have a vagina
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
