It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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