never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
