if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
