Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
